Sometimes, saying “fuck it” is one of the best things you can do.
In the mid-1950s, Vonnegut worked very briefly for Sports Illustrated magazine, where he was assigned to write a piece on a racehorse that had jumped a fence and attempted to run away. After staring at the blank piece of paper on his typewriter all morning, he typed, “The horse jumped over the fucking fence,” and left. On the verge of abandoning writing, Vonnegut was offered a teaching job at the University of Iowa Writers’ Workshop. While he was there, Cat’s Cradle became a best-seller, and he began Slaughterhouse-Five, now considered one of the best American novels of the 20th century, appearing on the 100 best lists of Time magazine and the Modern Library
I read an interesting article on NUVO today that brought back many memories.
Too many friends of mine (including my mother) have succeeded or attempted suicide.
A gun in the mouth.
I’ll never forget the day I found my mother, and I’ll never forget the pain that went along with it.
It didn’t help that my father was too busy being an alcoholic to comfort me….all he wanted to do was drink or argue. After all, that was his escape.
I’m often asked if I ever had suicidal thoughts during the turmoil.
Simple answer for me, was ‘No’.
Sure, it was the easy way out. However, I knew there was more to life than what was in my family. I didn’t want to live my life like my parents.
Why hurt all the ones around you, the way I was hurting?
Sometimes, when I look back, the only life she took that day in September when she swallowed a 2 month supply of pills… was mine.
Everything was gone.
Why follow in their footsteps?
Instead of drowning in sorrow, drinking up alcohol, swallowing pills, and contemplating suicide, I decided to rebuild.
I decided to fight.
Since then, I have :
Worked countless jobs
Never been fired
Traveled the country
Met amazing people
Got a full time job without college.
Bought my own car
Lived on my own
All since the age of 19
My girlfriend/best friend and I are getting are first official place together. Just us.
Health is good.
Life is exciting.
But I’m never done fighting.
And I’ll never give up.
"Hello babies. Welcome to Earth. It’s hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It’s round and wet and crowded. On the outside, babies, you’ve got a hundred years here. There’s only one rule that I know of, babies-GOD DAMNIT, YOU’VE GOT TO BE KIND."
What is it that 2 adults do when they argue and can’t come to an agreement?
Oh, yes. How silly of me.
an agreement or a settlement of a dispute that is reached by each side making concessions.
“an ability to listen to two sides in a dispute, and devise a compromise acceptable to both”
I tried taking the high road. Tried reaching out. Tried to compromise. She won’t budge.
What else can you do?
Since a lot of this isn’t my problem, I’m moving on. All of this is trivial, childish BS over a stupid white lie. Drew blood with a bottle three times with an intent to hurt/cause physical damage. You made your bed.
I told her when she’s ready to talk, in ready. Told me she would get back to me with her schedule. That was a week ago.
Done my part. Over my family.
And as I type this I don’t mean it in such a negative, mean manor. Sometimes, things are taken way out of context. For the most part, I’m pretty much zen about the whole thing. Haha. Like that guy from That 70s Show.
"That’s cool……Whatever…….That’s cool……whatever…." Haha
Moving on to bigger and better things, that goes to show there’s more in this world that his. The “Don’t sweat the small stuff and it’s all small stuff”.
Kristen and I are moving into our own apartment this weekend. I’m excited.
…..excited is an understatement.
We have all these ideas for the place….mainly excited for the privacy….and not having to deal with trivial BS.
Kristen found out some more exciting news…..can’t go into detail but goddamn it all….everything happens for a reason!!! Karma does exist.
I also got some very exciting news from my family……can’t go into much detail about that either…but HOT DAMN!!!
Life is good!!!
Life is what you make it. If you aren’t happy, that’s your own damn fault.
A video I made a couple years ago. I miss summer.